I have also known two types of motherly energy. One is panicked and clingy, holding on to whatever else is moving and desperate prayer just to keep up. The details morph into the blur of survival and the eyes keep dropping down to see the feet moving... one step at a time. The other type of energy is a fire that burns independently of it's material surroundings. Clarity is a hallmark and the details come into view. The hands and feet and heart race but the eyes take it all in as if in vivid slow motion.
I have known both kinds of this energy at Easter and embrace the ebb and flow of that tide. With gratitude, I recognize that this year I had the energy that blazes and, somehow, coexists peacefully with exhaustion.
These different seasons in life are all moments of grace. I know intellectually that one is not necessarily more beneficial for the state of my soul. He works whether I feel it or know it or understand it... and He works perfectly. At times, the consolation of detail suffers while we cling blindly to the Cross. The hyacinths on the side of the road are a blur. Colors are muted. Singing is noise...
Some of our lovely details (taken down a visible notch because of my lousy photography)...
There are so many more details that have been a delight to me... and many really lousy photos to prove it. (I've been playing with my photo editor trying to improve them but with little success. The photos above, unfortunately, were some of the better ones.)
Some other beautiful details that remain clear in my mind...
~ The 22 joyful altar servers at Easter Vigil Mass in flying cassocks and surplices.
~ Professor assisting at the Vigil as the "book bearer" and looking like there was no place on earth he'd rather be.
~ The bells and incense that invade the senses and shout Wake Up! He is here! Rejoice!
~ The Deacon looking reverently upon the altar with lips closed as the priests say the words of consecration... and perhaps thinking ahead to his May ordination.
~ Four beloved priests at the altar
~ The Chief holding Little Cub and laughing as his suit jacket catches spit-up.
~ Candles in a dark church and a little girl saying the darndest things
~ A row of little white Easter hats
~The smell of beeswax ("Mommy, it smells like cinnamon")
~The return of the "A word"... Alleluia!!
~ Crash racing down the stairs at 1:00am with a pretty flower he had bought for me with his own money. He inscribed in a tiny space:
~ A book of gratitude that the children had secretly prepared for me
~ My pretty Cookie helping the little ones and so grateful to Daddy for her new dress.
~ The Chief's face as he surprises me with diamonds. (How can I ever wear sweatpants in his presence again! lol)
~ "I just wanted to tell you that this was the best Easter basket ever because it was centered around our faith and patron saints." Thank you, Professor.
~ Button reading a Psalm response during family prayer on Easter morning.
~ The kids and cousins playing so happily.
~ That first bite of Easter chocolate!
~ Family games, "time for dessert!" and laughter.
~ A soft pillow.
~ Divine Mercy beads beneath my fingers.
Jesus, I trust in You!