|Our Lady of Good Counsel|
The church of my first sacraments and where I first remember loving the Lord.
The woodwork my small hand had touched many years ago. The path my feet took to receive the Body and Blood of Jesus in the Holy Eucharist for the first time.
I did not expect the visit to be a moment of conversion. I should stop being surprised at these gifts from our Lord. He was there then with me and He is with me now. I felt as though He was holding my hand and taking me on a tour of my heart and where we have been together.
The church was hot and the acoustics were awful and the sound of the fans drowned out the Panis Angelicus... and I remembered the feeling of my young legs sticking to the varnished pews and the dampness of my uniform blouse. The years have slipped by and I have fancied too often that I am different from that little girl. I am only different because I have lost something along the way.
As I sat there seeing with my little girl eyes, I physically experienced my former innocence. I remembered it and what it felt like and who I was at that time. The years that followed felt different. I lost innocence and wonder, the eyes of faith and the desire to seek. Last night, I recognized when it left. I felt it leave. And my heart broke for the loss and then rejoiced as He showed me how He had walked with me through it all.
Coming back to those beginnings renewed in me a sense of purpose. Another step in conversion; like the very first steps when everything is so clear and there is no confusion. It is a gift of intellectual clarity but so much more... experience, emotion, faith, grace. He calls and says: Find Me again with the eyes I gave you.
The church I spent those years in was massive and no less so now that I have grown. As comfortable as my current parish church is, I wish my children could experience such physically majestic beauty on a more regular basis. It does something to a soul.
|The church on the left next to a public transit bus garage.|
My street was almost opposite the church.
I left for a while and now I know what it is like to live in a rough world without that sanctuary. And I don't want to live that way again.
Jesus, thank you for showing me the evidence of your love... it transforms me and inspires me to seek You and love You. Please help me remember and retain the innocence of childhood... and please, please help me share it with my children. I know You won't let me go. You never have. Please lead me deeper into Your Sacred Heart. Thanks be to God!