The Longest Shortest Morning Offering

I have a morning prayer routine that, on my better days, is lovely and slow and focused. But before I even open my eyes in the morning, I have developed the habit of saying a simple morning offering. Because one just never knows how the morning will go. Before I roll over, before my feet hit the floor, before I stand bleary-eyed before my toothbrush... I make sure my day is covered.

There are those days, however, when even that little prayer gets the better of me. I believe I tried to say that Morning Offering seven times yesterday. I just couldn't finish it without wandering into a million separate muddled thoughts. My eyes were too heavy to open but I knew I wanted to get through that one little prayer and kept beginning again and again and again. Finally, I managed to finish but completely bungled all the words. What did I just say? *sigh* So, I gave up...

Lord, I really like that prayer but I can't say it today. I'll just tell you in a less lovely way and move on. So I briefly offered my whole day to him, consecrated myself to the Divine Mercy and the Immaculate Heart of Mary (in an off-the-cuff kind of way) and offered my day for all the intentions and people I wanted to but couldn't particularly recall (You know, Lord.). I think the whole thing took 30 seconds.

It was a fine day although I stumbled my way through most of it and remained bleary-eyed through much of it. I got some things cleaned but not most things. I managed to get most of the children through the day without any bruises or scrapes, but not all of them. I consciously thought of God but not much or often. Dinner was an unusual success although I didn't get the dishes done. The green juice (for St. Patrick's Day) was a hit but no one really liked the pudding. I wanted to walk five miles but only walked four and bothered my knee doing it. I tried to read but couldn't focus. I hoped to get to bed early but was still up at 3:00 am. Doing what? I don't know... wandering in a sleepy, distracted haze.

As I lay down on the same pillow on which I struggled with that Morning Offering so many hours earlier, I began to do my delayed examination of conscience. I immediately began thinking about the dishes and had to begin again. I thought about how I'd rather be a mom than anything I ever dreamed of being as a kid... and had to begin again...and again... and again...

What is it with me today, Lord? I'm as scattered as a snowstorm. But I love you. I love you...

And I slept.

Some days are low-powered like that. Foggy. Slow. Mildly productive. And it's all right. Good sleep is important and tomorrow is another day. Moms need sleep. I need sleep. A lot more than I've been getting.  Until then, I'll run on adrenaline, grace, and the longest shortest Morning Offerings ever prayed. And while I stumble on, He'll read my heart and know all the thoughts my mind won't form and all the words my tongue doesn't say.

I trust that He knows. He is Mercy. He made me. And He knows I need some sleep.

Posted on March 18, 2012 and filed under "motherhood", "spiritual life".