Dear Sir or Madam,
I would like to do my civic duty but I cannot in good conscience leave my poor husband in the care of our six darling hooligans for a week or more. They will tear him to pieces and he will only make matters worse by feeding them McDonald's, frozen waffles, and orange Hi-C at every meal. I know this is true because it happened during our last family emergency. He also needs to be at his job every day but perhaps he could just transport the orange Hi-C in a big cooler in the back of the car... right next to the package of diapers.
On top of that, I'm supposed to be teaching them and if you've been following my blog, you know that I'm working very hard at starting our first year of high school on the right foot. The timing of this summons is remarkably perfect for totally disrupting that plan. If I am not home, my teenager will no doubt spend that entire week doing nothing but playing angry birds and he will never get into law school.
In addition to the difficulties I've already mentioned, my 1-year old is still nursing and he will not understand why I am missing all day everyday. He will likely cry, which will cause my 4-year old to cry... and really, that is just sad.
P.S. Did I mention that I would likely be late every day because driving downtown for me is like driving through a cornfield on a unicycle?
For those of you who aren't sure... I'm not actually going to send this letter to the court. It's a little blog joke. Also, I am highly confident in my husband's abilities to care for the children. His version of Green Eggs and Ham (complete with cool Sean Connery accent) is the best I have ever heard and he cooks a mean hamburger. :)