How to Avoid Drama In 5 Easy Steps

The following is my emergency plan for uninvited, unexpected, uncreative, unresolvable social drama...

Become a Hermit

On an uninhabited island

Don't tell anyone you are leaving

Absolutely no email 

All youth sports forbidden

If I wasn't so tired, I'd implement the plan asap. As it stands, I am too tired. So, I will go to bed and fall instantly asleep... after I mentally write several emails and have numerous pretend conversations with various people.  In my mental frenzy, I will likely neglect to pray until the 30 seconds before I absolutely can't stay awake a moment longer. If I try to pray a rosary, I will not get past the Creed. Then I will get up bright and early so that I can spend hours on the phone managing d.r.a.m.a. But I will get nowhere close to the oratorical brilliance I achieved in the middle of the night. At the close of the day, I will recall all those wasted hours and useless emotion and fall to my knees again, remembering what really matters.

If someone would have told me that this past week was going to be so incredibly dramatic (in a social sense), I would gladly have holed myself up with the kids, the Olympics, and a couple pairs of clean pajamas until the danger had passed. The only people I would allow admittance into our small world would be my husband and the UPS man (I'm expecting a book), neither of whom are particular drama friendly.  I would watch the Olympic stories unfold from the safety of my family room. 

I should point out that the Olympics are an ideal time to receive a rude reminder of the insanity of youth sports.... or rather, the particular oddities of the adults involved with youth sports. It is a good reminder that those world class athletes did not float to the top on a cloud of delight. There had to be a certain measure of insanity involved at multiple points in their journeys... and likely some slightly unreasonable people.

If you do not love drama, it will find you anyway. You will be going about your business, doing what you think is the right thing to do in a calm, rule-following, non-confrontational kind of way, and someone will find what you are doing so totally offensive that it makes them temporarily nutty. As a woman, I know firsthand that we females are particularly talented at this kind of surprise attack. But men are actually quite talented as well. They just can't get their voices to the same feverishly high pitch that women can. Fortunately (I guess) for men, email is a great equalizer in this regard.

At any rate, I'm off to bed. To spend hours alternately writing astonishingly brilliant speeches, trying to finish my prayers, and trying not to care about stupid stuff. 

Posted on August 4, 2012 and filed under "youth sports".