I'm having somewhat regular contractions and I have no idea whether that means anything important or not. It's almost 3am, I'm very tired and should try to sleep... but I'm uncomfortable. I'm thinking and thinking and a little lonely in the dark, quiet house. Chief asked if I'd like him to sit up with me but that doesn't make much sense. One of us should sleep. I mentally reviewed my list of prayer intentions for labor (just in case) and am thinking of taking a shower. Or maybe I'm too tired for a shower. Maybe I'll just brain dump onto the blog...
I almost threw my back out earlier trying to freshen up my toenail polish. Wouldn't want to go into labor with terrible old nail polish now, would we? I mentioned this to the Chief at our Target date this evening and he took it upon himself to pick out a couple new colors for me. This is always a bad idea from my perspective because our tastes in nail polish don't jive. But I thought of him affectionately as I applied my new "Blueberry" colored polish to my toes. It's something different, he says. Indeed. My midwife will love it.
I didn't buy a pretty non-maternity sundress that I loved but won't be able to nurse in. I did buy new crayons and markers that were on sale for the new school year.
Clothing discernment conversations happened with my teen daughter today. She's pretty good in general but it's challenging to navigate the shelves. She returned home from a shopping trip with something culturally normal but still questionable and we gave it the "Dad test." As in, What do you think your Dad would say if he saw that piece of fabric? When the squirming began even at the suggestion of running it by dad, we both started to giggle. She knew.
Later on, she told me that she ran the idea through another mental test. The what-if-I-ran-into-so-and-so-at-the-store-wearing-this test. The people she mentally placed were Catholics she admires and perfect for the squirm test. We talked about how these things aren't black and white because some clothes are suited to certain situations and not to others. We also talked about how we all make judgment errors and that we can't get hung up on those moments. We just do our best and give the rest to Jesus.
I received a beautiful baby gift in the mail today from an internet friend of mine. I have known her for many years now even though we have never personally met and her thoughtfulness reminds me that God can work pretty powerfully through the internet. Some of the most generous, kind, and thoughtful people I know are people with whom I have never shared a room.
I want to publicly thank Mama Daffy for walking the Christ-centered talk and for loving me so well.
And now I've hit my figurative brick wall. I've typed myself into a state beyond fatigue and my contractions seem to have halted for now. Typical. Although I suppose she will have to be born eventually!
I'm off to the couch now. Sleeping in my bed would be lovely but I roast there even with the air conditioning humming. My body is not doing temperature moderation well right now. The couch is a level lower and cooler... although a little lonely. I do like to watch out the windows. Once, I nearly jumped out of my skin when a nocturnally active dear poked her nose right up against the glass. Those critters are so busy and random. And I do wish they would stop coming into our yard and leaving their messes. The babies are darling... but then they grow. Did I ever tell you about the deer tick the Chief had to have removed on his birthday? No... I don't love the deer.
Squirrels are different. I think they are charming and I like to watch them jump from tree to beautiful tree in the mornings. The couch really isn't so bad.
Dear Little One,
Today would be a lovely day to meet the world, don't you think? I'm getting antsy to see you and kiss your soft head. Until then, I'm entrusting you and our labor and birth experience to God's almighty and gentle care.
Love you forever...