7 Proofs That I Am Not Cool

7 Proofs That I Am Not Cool
{There are far more than 7 but my pride can't take more than that today}


I can't use Twice. On the recommendation of some very cool people, I checked out the Twice website hoping to raise my fashion profile. I enjoy thrifting and figured this would give me an opportunity to update my sadly outdated wardrobe and also trade in some of what I have. There are two problems with this site for me...

1) Twice's prices are not my version of thrifty. I'm not paying $20 bucks for a second hand shirt unless it's THE shirt of my dreams.

2) I have nothing to sell them. In my original enthusiasm, I sent for a mailing label (they send them free) and a shipping bag. When I went to my closet, I discovered that the only possible item that I could sell them was a J.Crew dress that I bought off of ebay 7 years ago. But it's classic and pretty so why would I want to sell it? I do have one more brand new dress from Loft that my husband bought me a few years ago, but I'm not parting with it before I actually have a chance to wear it (clearly not a pregnant/nursing dress). And I tell you what, if I did have a name brand something that I wanted to get rid of, I could get a lot more for it on ebay than the measly $6 to $11 bucks Twice would pay me for it before they jack up the price to resell it.

So, Twice, I'm just not cool enough for you. But I don't care. You know what's cool? Finding brand new overstock Target (Mossimo) shirts at a local store for 99 cents. I bought two.


I love Crocs. They have fallen out of fashion and they always were ugly... but they sure are comfy. My first pair was pepto bismol pink and I could never understand why everyone thought they were so ridiculous looking. Pink is a wonderful color. And they don't make noise on the wood floor when babies are sleeping.

I do not like any kind of coffee. Not even if you put cream and pumpkin spice in it. I think this aversion dates back to my primary school days. The memory of teachers breathing on me with coffee/cigarette breath is a strong one. It was always when they were trying to be nice and helpful and leaning over me and I had to hold my breath while trying to pay attention at the same time. So here I am, unable to enjoy a 700 calorie latte or share the fun in the Pinterest coffee memes. I don't even like coffee candy. Just once, I would like to look stylish with cool shoes and a Starbucks in my hand.

I don't like alcohol. Truth be told, I even find alter wine challenging. So when I see cool moms holding up their pretty drinks for a group selfie, I know I am a total nerd and will never know that kind of cool mom fun. I will have to just hold up my glass of water - lots of ice, please - and force myself to giggle more than usual. But you don't really want me to love alcohol anyway. I can hardly put two coherent sentences together these days without booze in my system. New mom, add wine? Golly, what a disaster that would be.

I don't really know how to wear make-up. Last time I tried to doll up my eyes, one of my kids said, "Mommy, did you get any sleep last night? Your eyes look all black." Thank you. You used to be my favorite child.

I hate skinny jeans. There. I said it. Oh, fashion manipulators of the planet, please make it fashionable again to wear boot cut pants! I resist the force that is trying to push me back into the eighties. I'm too short for skinny jeans. They bunch up at my knees and I can't afford the kind that don't. Plus, I feel like I'm wearing tights without a skirt. Who came up with the "leggings are pants now" rule anyway? Super bad idea for men, women, and children. If you see me in skinny jeans, just smile sweetly... it means that I have given in and sadly put my boot cuts away. Actually, this may not be too long in coming. I bought a pair of skinnies even before I was pregnant when no one else was wearing them yet (I'm so uncool that when I get a jump on trending, I always chicken out anyway). I'm only a couple inches away from buttoning them. If I do wear them, do I have to wear those little booties everyone else is wearing? It's the eighties haunting me again. Bah.

Lest you think I'm getting a bit caught up in worldly fashion, let me set you straight... I'm just trying to find a better alternative to my postpartum yoga pant rut. As soon as Peaches stops spitting up all over me every time she eats, I intend to start dressing like a respectable citizen again. If that translates into "cool"... okay then. But I'm just shooting for respectable.

I'd rather be wearing a hoodie. Animal print tops are cool again. No. No. No. I had a white tiger sweatshirt when I was in the 8th grade. I am content. Wear what you will but leave me to my nerdy-ness.

Linking up with Jennifer Fulwiler and all the cool people for 7 Quick Takes Friday
Posted on November 8, 2013 and filed under "7 Quick Takes Friday", "cool".