I'm Dull as Mud When I Speak But at Least I'll Shut Up On Tuesday

My best friend in junior high school used to tell me that I spent too much time thinking. "You're depressing." She told me to lighten up and to not be such a downer. Life is fun. Don't over think it. I always assumed she was right because she was more intelligent and more talented than I was. I trusted that she was right... and yet I couldn't seem to stop thinking. Because I truly thought that there were important things in life that mattered and ought to be attended to.

I would find myself very troubled that my friends and I were so wrapped up in stupid pastimes while there was real tragedy in the world. We worried about whether the New Kids On the Block would ever discover that we were their soul mates before we became old maids, while big things, important things were waiting to be taken care of. And so I'd talk to her about it... and I was obviously a big bore.

I'm still a big bore. I get in snits where small talk is insufferable and I'm better off staying out of social situations altogether. My mind wanders. I am not particularly witty and dull as mud on my "thinking" days. If I'm at a social event at such a time, I often end up plaguing my conversation partners with my thoughts on abortion and politics and faith and motherhood and homeschooling. Thank heaven for the healthy outlet of blogging or I'd have no friends at all.

If I hadn't become a practicing Catholic, I would have become a poetry-reading-hippie-tree-hugging-feminist. I just know it. I probably would have chained myself to a redwood and written long blog posts in defense of the suffering earth. Instead, I have been mercifully led to a Catholic view of a beautiful and suffering humanity... and I have been called, with every Christian, to be the hands and feet for God's beloved people.

My mood was a bit serious last week as I hopped around my favorite blogs and I ended up commenting on one of them that was treating the fun and light subject of All Saints/Halloween costumes. I saw some light gore presented all in good fun and I instantly thought of our suffering world. A costume featuring a decapitation brought to mind my Christian brothers and sisters who are being tortured and murdered in Egypt right now and I was bothered... bothered that we play and laugh at what others weep over. I should have just walked away but I commented and likely offended, annoyed, or bored anyone who bothered to read what I wrote.

What I didn't say in my comment (don't worry, I was nice enough) was that my heart was in the middle of breaking for the unborn and their wounded mothers. I really had no business flitting about in that state of mind. That is the time to be steeped in prayer and work, allowing my heavenly Father's gentle mercies to handle my grief while immersed in vocation. My opinion may not have changed but at least I wouldn't have bothered anyone with it.

We live in a world that glorifies gore and seeks it in movies and stories and Halloween fun. People pay money to see images of human beings being torn apart on the big screen. Yet when they see a real photograph of an aborted baby, they cry out in anger that no one should have to be subjected to such images. And they are unmoved by what they see. Unmoved by the sight of the bloodied body parts of babies... except to become angry at the one who holds the image and dares to cause discomfort. Even pro-lifers cry out against such images only to turn on their Netflix in the evening and watch scenes of people getting blown up. And I just wonder why we are all so backwards.

Perhaps I'm just odd, but I would rather see the pictures of the abused and tortured children and FEEL the pain of it and be moved to prayer and action, then turn my head and remain useless and complacent. I would also rather do without a Halloween celebration that plays with the themes of death and violence while ignoring beauty and reverence.

A couple days ago in Australia, there was a near riot as pro-abortion protesters attempted to stop the March for Life in Melbourne. They physically attacked non-violent pro-life people causing injury to individuals and destruction of property. This is our future in America... because we are a culture that loves the thrill of gore and hates our own children. It is topsy turvy.

My best friend from junior high would tell me that I am being depressing right now and I would believe her. But I cannot help it. I am grieving.

I once heard a story (perhaps I read it in Abby Johnson's book?) about a nun who would weep in the driveway of the abortion mill she prayed at. Weep as if her heart was breaking... because it was. After I read that, I stopped being ashamed of my own grief and tears. I would rather feel that kind of pain in love than feel nothing at all.

So my apologies to all who are lighthearted today and have stumbled across my post. I do not mean to be a downer. But I wonder... will we give as much time this month to combatting this plague on our nation called abortion as we do to our Halloween fun? Will we speak up against actions or words or even costumes that desensitize to the value of life? What are we doing to restore a sense of reverence  and beauty in this culture?

I used to think it was enough to be pro-life by just having lots of kids. It's not. We must fight against injustice so that our kids can be free to live and love in the future and to serve and honor Jesus Christ. I fear that the legacy we will be passing along as a nation will be something much uglier.

Lord, have mercy.

On Tuesday, I will be silencing my social media accounts and my blog in solidarity with the unborn and the national Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity. Please prayerfully consider joining me.  Social Media Silence on October 15th, In Solidarity With the Unborn




Posted on October 13, 2013 and filed under "pro-life day of silent solidarity", "pro-life".